Desire, want, longing, & love

I was initially worried to death that my changing jobs would hurt our relationship, would jeapordize its stability & duration. Now that I've found out some of the details of the job, sure, I'm still naturally worried about whether or not you'll still want me if I'm not as convenient to access,.. but I am much more confident that we'll survive - that we'll have time together every week. I love, want, and desire you more than anything or anyone in the world. I want to be with you forever. I want us both to get divorces, and love & live together for the rest of our lives. I want us to fall asleep each night, comfortably in each others' arms.

And yet for now, we must wait. And we must survive the present for the future to arrive. I just want you to know, I'm going to do everything in my power to help us survive the present; to help us get through the challenge of being at different workplaces, where it won't be as easy as we've had it so far. I'm incredibly sorry for changing jobs, and the guilt plagues me still that I am even doing this. But I also know that taking this job is best for me. And I hope eventually taking this job will be best for us. I have to believe that we'll survive. Our love is too strong not to. I do worry though, what you think of all this change. I promise I'll still be here for you. I promise I'll still love you. I promise I'll still make time for you. I promise to still do my best to entice you. I promise to still sneak away with you. I promise to still be your man. I promise you'll remain my one and only true love. Nobody could ever take that title away from you. They wouldn't even have a chance. After these years together, you still amaze and delight my body, mind, and heart. You are my woman, my lady, my love.

And I do love you. More than you'll ever know. And I'd be deliriously happy to spend every day for the rest of my life trying to tell you and show you exactly how much I love you. Don't worry baby. Everything will be alright. We have enduring love.

Missing

Missing.
Something is missing.
Someone.
You.

Something is missing in my daily routine. You, lately. I miss you with such pain it wrenches my heart to not look into your eyes. To not feel your touch. To not hear you or be near you. To not kiss you or hold you or make love to you.

This pain worries me. Its tough enough as it is, only seeing you once a week. Its tough enough as it is, only seeing you every now and then. But as tough as it is, I know this pain will pass,... but I fear that my heart will tear itself to pieces when I have to change jobs and we won't even have the moments we have now. It really worries me. I hope by the time I change jobs we'll have taken steps to be together.

I know it is too much to ask, for I know the love of children is stronger than anything. I know I can't possibly ask because I know avoiding their pain takes precedence, and rightly so. I know I can't ask because I love you and thusly I value and care for what and whom you love.

But I can dream. I can wish. I can hope. I can hope that you need to be with me as much as I need to be with you, for self-preservation, for what feels and is right in this world, for love. I can hope that the children are mature enough to know their mother needs to be and deserves to be happy and complete. I can dream of the time when they've adjusted and love both their parents equally, and accept me, not necessarily as a dad, I wouldn't presume to be such, but as a man that gives their mom balance, love, and happiness. I can wish for those days that we're finally together.

But for now,...
Something is missing.
Someone.
Missing.
From my daily life.

But never from my every thought.
That someone is you.
I absolutely, unprecedentedly, love you.
And I miss you more than words can express.